Q: The game doesn't even come up!

There are several possible explanations for your dilemma: first of all, you may not be able to execute Java applets on your system. If you're behind a firewall, your system administrator may have set the security parameters to prevent Java applets from being downloaded and executed. The only way to resolve this is to speak to your system administrator, or try it on a different system that doesn't have the same restrictions.

Also, Java may be disabled on your system. To enable Java, do the following:

Microsoft Internet Explorer 4.0 and above: Go to the View menu and choose Internet Options. From there, select the advanced tab, and then check off the Java options.

Netscape 4.0 and above: Go to the Edit menu and choose Preferences. From there, click advanced and check off Enable Java.

You may also be using an older version of the Java Virtual Machine. Udder should work properly on most 4.0 and above browsers. However, the JVM for Netscape 4.01 is very buggy, and we do not recommend using it. We suggest downloading and using the latest version of Netscape, or Microsoft Internet Explorer, as their Java VMs are more stable than previous versions.

If you're using an AOL browser, then we recommend that you download and use Netscape or Microsoft Internet Explorer, as AOL's Java support ain't that great (at the time this was written).

It's not like I want to exclude anybody, it's just that client-side Java has a lot of limitations associated with it.

Q: After the game starts, it freezes on me! What gives?

What may be happening is that another application has grabbed the WAV device (i.e. it currently has possession of the sound generator). For instance, if you have ICQ set to notify with a WAV sound, or an MP3 player running, it may interfere with the Java VM on your system. In my experience, some sound cards don't like it when this happens for some reason. Some handle it well, some don't.

The JVM shouldn't crash if the audio device is not available, but unfortunately it does. The best solution is to turn off any other applications that use the WAV device (i.e., ICQ sound notification, MP3 players, etc..).

Q: I just played for 3 hours, got a really high score, and the stupid game won't take my high score! What gives!

Unfortunately, Java VMs are not a very stable bunch of, umm... thingies right now, and a lot of them can display strange behaviors based upon the environment. The older versions of the popular browsers all had quirky Java VM implementations. As we suggested above, the best solution is to download the latest version of your preferred browser (Netscape 4.07, Microsoft IE 4.0).

Another possibility is that the connection went bad, or the server was unavailable. Hey, nothing's perfect!

Q: One cow blew up/head imploded/got tipped over, a bunch of cows fly across the screen, and the game ends. What gives! I still had a bunch of cows left onscreen!

Well, you lost all your lives. By lives, we mean the number of cows you can lose before your herd tires of dying in droves and decides to make a break for freedom. Naturally, everything gets stomped flat, including you.

The original idea was to continue until all the cows onscreen died, but then players could do a "Missile Command." They let all cows die except for one, which they guard with a passion, thus there really isn't any way of losing the game. We wanted to prevent this "bunkering-in" mentality, and hence the "lives" system.

Q: This "help page" isn't very helpful. Get me in touch with a real person!